I was scrolling through the news on my phone today, and, my goodness, was I relieved to read what I did.
Finally, us women have been provided with a solution to a serious issue.
Yes, this is real.
And no, I don’t really know what to say either.
Well, where to start?
Okay, so, firstly, I think we have much bigger problems than the size and the texture of our crisps. Genuinely, I have never, ever heard a woman open her bag of crisps and say
‘ Oh, gosh darn this. These Doritos are too crumbly for my dainty little fingers! Blimey oh rimey; they don’t even fit in my handbag! Oh, how they crunch! Dang and blast – now I have bits all over my fingers, ah if only we had specialised crisps suited to us delicate females.’
*bangs head against wall multiple times*
So, what, bigger problems do women across the globe face? Hmmm, let’s think.
1. The glass ceiling, and the infamous wage gap
2. Catcalling and harassment
3. Lack of representation in politics and so forth
4. Absurd, unrealistic expectations about how we ‘should’ look
5. Lack of educational opportunities across the globe
6. Child marriage
7. There is a lack of affordable and competent child care in many countries
9. In some countries, women are still unable to vote
10. In countries such as Saudi Arabia, women are unable to have a fair trial, as ‘the testimony of one man equals that of two women’.
Firstly, it is important to note that it is not just women that face many of the issues mentioned above.
Secondly, in case I haven’t yet got my point across, crisps are the least of our worries. The boss of PepsiCo (the company which owns Doritos) is a woman – her name is Indra Nooyi. Considering she is a female who has presumably faced at least some of the issues so many do, you might think she would realise that her new oh so genius product is quite frankly a preposterous idea. She has so much money, so much power; why not launch a campaign that will help less fortunate members of society, rather than aiming to increase her (obscene) wealth? She could still sell her crisps, help women with real, genuine problems and make a profit. Clearly, her logic has gone out the window.
These crisps are apparently going to be smaller, will make less of a crunching noise, will crumble less and will fit inside our handbags better. Do we care? No, we really do not. Is this going to improve our quality of life? No, it is not. Is this actually helping women in any way whatsoever? Nope, not at all.
I like my ‘Tangy Cheese’ Doritos as they are, thank you very much. How very dare you shrink them? As someone who loves said snacks, I really do not care if my fingertips are slightly orange, or if the crisps ‘crunch’ when I bite them. Come off it, I am not going to suddenly change which snacks I eat in order to be more ladylike. I think it is also worth noting that I am not going to keep my crisps in my handbag; I like my snacks where I can eat them without any hassle; in my hands.
Okay, so even if neon orange fingers were considered an issue, and if people felt uncomfortable licking the Doritos dust off of their fingers, it would not just be females that would want this problem to be resolved. By all means, find a way of creating more practical (?) nachos, but don’t label them as ‘for women’. I don’t know if I can even declare this whole debacle as sexist, really, but I can definitely label it as pure idiocy.
Well, anyway, fellow females, I think we can all agree that we will sleep much better tonight, knowing that we can now eat crisps in a much more dignified manner.
Until next time.
If you want to read more of me ranting about products aimed at women, follow the links below: